


You Don't Remember

by livwrites



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe, Bitter Severus Snape, Community: HPFT, POV Severus Snape
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-10
Updated: 2016-04-10
Packaged: 2018-06-01 12:18:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6519040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/livwrites/pseuds/livwrites
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lily survived Voldemort's attack on her and is raising Harry. Severus Snape is an unhappy outsider musing on his failed relationship with her.</p>
            </blockquote>





	You Don't Remember

You've probably forgotten me by now, Lily. I know you've moved on with your life with Harry, after Voldemort's attempt to murder you failed. Nobody knows why Voldemort gave James an opportunity to stand aside; certainly he hadn't given that option to anyone else he had set his murderous sights on.  
  
   
  
No, I am probably nothing more than unpleasant memories now. That's all that's left of our friendship, before I caused you to end it. You know just as well as I do how many times I tried to apologize for that one slip of the tongue. For years after I daydreamed of you being in trouble and me swooping in and saving the day, Sir Lancelot come to save his Guinevere that had rejected him eight years prior.  
  
   
  
Of course that wasn't going to happen now, because instead of rescuing you from any plight you might be in I went and caused your husband to be killed. You would never forgive me for that. If you knew that I was the one who had told Voldemort about the prophecy in the first place, you would grab your wand, give Harry to Sirius, and come hunt me down.  
  
   
  
Although, that might not be necessary the way the war is looking, and highlighted by my recent involvement in it. After Voldemort killed James, as you know, he was greeted by Dumbledore, who proceeded to tell him everything I did behind the scenes in my attempt to keep you safe after running to him trying to fix everything. Like bandaging someone that was dying from internal bleeding, I guess I should've known that trying to work two sides and keep you safe wouldn't work out in the end.  
  
   
  
So then I was busted, and the Death Eaters came for me. I don't know how I managed to hold them off, but I did, and I escaped to Hogwarts, a fugitive seeking the protection of Dumbledore, who hired me as Potions master, replacing Slughorn, who went as lived in peace. I envy him. You might've seen the _Daily Prophet_ article announcing that I had been hired. It probably got skimmed past without a glance, or else with a derisive comment about shampoo, like my students make when they think I can't hear them.  
  
   
  
I live at Hogwarts now, because I have nowhere else to go. Even my fellow Order members won't trust me because I used to be a Death Eater, and the Death Eaters try and kill me every chance they get. So will their sons, when they grow up and emulate their fathers, as will undoubtedly happen.  
  
   
  
But first, they will have to pass through Hogwarts, where I will be, where Dumbledore will be, and where Harry will be. All in about 3 years time, and then Harry will write you complaining about school, how he wants to be on the Gryffindor Quidditch team _now_ , not next year, and how horrible Professor Snape gave everybody a ridiculous Potions essay and he'll never finish it in time.  
  
   
  
You'll read his letter and wonder if horrible Professor Snape is the same guy that you went to school with. The same guy that you were in the Slug Club with, hung out with, and laughed with, until that fateful day after the Charms O.W.L. Maybe then you'll remember. You might say to yourself, "Still the same jerk." Or you might hold some forgiveness in your heart for me.  
  
   
  
I keep writing my thoughts out, like a letter, in the faint hope that they would amount to something actually worth sending - as if I would send it, when I know the response the envelope would receive on your end. You would read my name, and wonder who this guy is stalking you. Or this guy that you think sounds familiar but you don't quite know where you heard his name before.  
  
   
  
That doesn't matter, because no letter is going to get sent, because I know there's no point in trying to reconnect with you. The last time I talked to you - well, tried, anyways - was two years ago, at an Order meeting. You quickly and coldly shot me down, leading Sirius Black, jerk that he is and was, to tell me, "What did you expect, Snivellus?"  
  
   
  
Even if we did reconnect, Harry would grow up hating me (like he will anyway) once he finds out the reason why he doesn't have a father. If it wasn't for me he wouldn't have a mother, either, but he'll never know that. Anyways, you and I would never work out now. Severus & Lily Snape might have had a chance back in old times, when we were young and innocent, but now, after you have lost a husband and I have lost all hope of love, a union would be too bitter. There are too many skeletons in my closet, and you know about all of them.  
  
   
  
So I will just sit here at Hogwarts, bitter, grading the never-ending pile of incompetently done Potions assignments, something that I could see you doing as well. In fact, Dumbledore told me that I beat you out for the job posting. I don't know if that was independent of the fact that I needed somewhere to hide and Hogwarts was safest. Ironic, isn't it, Lily Potter? I beat you in one thing and you beat me in life.


End file.
